I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
