She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
