Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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