your parents love me but you hate me
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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