When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
