We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
