I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
