he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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