Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
