I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
