guys are not supposed to queef...right?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
