You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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