Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
