Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
