you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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