The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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