after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
