If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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