i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
