Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
