he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
