i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
