jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
