her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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