If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
