Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
People in love make me want to vomit
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
