Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
