No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
