I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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