Umm I'm too high to move.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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