I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
