If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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