he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
