somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
