I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
