he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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