I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my sisters under your porch take her home
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
