Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
