recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
