I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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