My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
