the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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