"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
