Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
