So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
