I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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