Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
