Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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