Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I died a long time ago.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
