The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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