Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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