this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
