You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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