I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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