she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
