You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
