My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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