Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
