I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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