Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
