The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
