why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
