just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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