So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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