TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
