No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
