I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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