how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
