I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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