You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I touched a dick in church today
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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