remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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