I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
