I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
