how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
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Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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