allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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