I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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