and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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