Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I believe in your delicious
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
